


Misadventures in Decorating

by Psistriker



Series: Chronoverse [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Avengers, MCU, Marvel Comics, X-Men
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Interior Decorating, then more fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 19:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10838214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psistriker/pseuds/Psistriker
Summary: Melinda May has a secret guilty pleasure, she loves home makeover shows.  Of course the one time she gets to indulge, the Avenging Archer and the Mutant Mistress of Time decide to crash the party.





	Misadventures in Decorating

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I combine personal headcanons with actual canon and let my brain wander in the shower. Ever since I found out that Ming-na Wen loves HGTV I've been obsessed with the idea of Melinda May watching it too. This has been bouncing around in my head for a few weeks and I finally had to let it out. I banged this out between calls at work and it hasn’t been beta’d so any mistakes are the fault of my customers. ;)

“You want a Queen Anne Victorian in that neighborhood that’s move in ready for under $200,000 and I want to punch you in the face.”

“You want to punch everyone in the face,” Melinda May pointed out.

“Like you don’t?” Chronos snorted. "Tell me you didn’t want to roundhouse that last couple every time she complained about the lack of granite countertops and he talked about his ‘man cave’.“

Melinda stifled a grimace. "I hate that term,” she admitted.

“Plus granite is impossible to get blood out of,” Clint Barton chimed in.

Both women turned and gave him The Look.

“What? I tend to bleed a lot and Tony’s a neat freak,” Clint replied. He was used to both of them so he was probably the only person on the planet who could ignore their combined glares.

Melinda picked up the remote so she could turn up the volume. She had come in to one of the break rooms in SHIELD HQ for some much needed down time. Finding the room to herself, she had decided to indulge in one of her few guilty pleasures - home makeover shows. Hawkeye and Chronos were waiting for a debriefing with Coulson and ended up inviting themselves to join her. Mainly by throwing themselves down on the nearest couches and refusing to leave.

“How do you know so much about architecture and real estate sales, anyway?” Melinda asked the younger woman.

Chronos shrugged. "Side effect of being a time traveler,“ she explained. "I know just enough about a lot of things to blend in but not enough to make me stick out.”

“You should hear her and Cap go off about what Brooklyn looked like in the ‘30s,” Clint said. "It’s like listening to two old grandpas argue about the good old days. Ow!“

Melinda picked up the pillow Chronos had whipped at Clint’s head. "Nice shot, but next time try something harder.”

“I had to think fast and I didn’t want to break the remote again.”

Clint rubbed the side of his head. "Yeah, those multi-function remotes hurt.“

Chronos rolled her eyes as she turned back to the TV. "You know they’re mutants, right?”

“'The Property Brothers’? Really?” Melinda asked.

Chronos nodded. "They’re both low level empaths,“ she answered. "Like barely a blip, hardly enough to even call them mutants. But it’s enough to help keep the really cranky house hunters under control.”

“What about Chip and Joanna?”

“Completely human, which surprised the hell out of me,” Chronos replied. "I thought for sure at least one of them was a mind controller but it must be just natural southern charm.“

“I wonder if I could convince Coulson that watching these shows is keeping an eye on a potential mutant threat,” Melinda said thoughtfully.

Clint reached over and grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the table in front of them. "I like that lamp,“ he said, popping a few kernels into his mouth.

Melinda looked at the hideous lump masquerading as a lamp the client was trying to force the designer to include in their new home. "Clint, I know you’re deaf but have you recently gone blind too?” she asked. "Even Stark would agree it was too ostentatious and he has a gold plated statue of himself peeing into his pool.“

"I didn’t say it was attractive,” Clint replied, “I said I like it. The neck is just the right size to hold comfortably and the huge potato butt end makes for an effective club. It’s not very aerodynamic though, you’d probably only get one good swing.”

“Decorating by an object’s usefulness as a weapon,” Melinda mused. "Well that does explain your apartment.“

"Just about everything can be a weapon if you use it right,” Clint pointed out. "You and I both know that.“

"How about you, Chronos?” Melinda asked, trying to lighten the mood. "I’m assuming your decorating style is either early frat house or tech store overflow.“

Chronos ducked her head, hiding her face with the brim of her fedora. "Actually, Pepper decorated my apartment,” she explained. "Tony had her do it after my last meltdown and I totally trashed the place. Since I was trigged by trying to save most of New York from a near hurricane and failing big time, he said replacing my stuff was the least he could do.“

"I told you, Timex, you tried and did the best you could, but not even you can save everything,” Clint replied.

“Saying it and believing it are two different things,” Chronos pointed out. She started picking at an invisible spot on her jeans.

“Double strike out, how about you for the home run, Melinda?” Clint pleaded.

Melinda shook her head. "Most of my stuff is still in boxes,“ she admitted. "After the divorce, I could never make myself unpack. I supposed I should do that now that Andrew’s…” Her voice trailed off.

“And strike three,” Clint sighed. He leaned his head back against the couch. "Do I know how to destroy a mood or what?“

"Maybe we could ask Pepper,” Chronos muttered.

“Ask Pepper what?” Clint asked.

“Um, to do Mayday’s apartment,” Chronos answered. "She might like the chance to decorate for somebody with taste.“

Melinda flashed them a rare smile. "Only if Stark bankroll’s it.”

Chronos looked up, grining. "I can arrange that,“ she agreed. "Of course Rust Boy may not know about it.”

“I’ll even pick you out a new lamp,” Clint added.

He didn’t see the pillows until they hit him in the face.


End file.
